25 9 / 2012

What up tumblr? It’s been a while. I recently signed up for Birchbox Man, because my girlfriend is really into the lady version of their product. Basically, I send them $20 a month, and in return, they send me some stuff for gay dudes. It’s pretty fun.

I decided that my insights were valuable enough to share with the world, so I plan to review my Birchbox treasures right here, exclusively on tumblr, every month. If I’m lucky, maybe people will appreciate my catty and OUTRAGEOUS (all caps) perspective and I can parlay this into a really popular instagram. 

Here goes, my review of the four items I received in my September 2012 Birchbox. 

1) John Varvatos Star U.S.A 3.4 oz ($70 retail)

This is a fragrance. Like all fragrances, it smells like flowers and rubbing alcohol. The packaging on the full sized version looks like Liberace designed a shotgun shell (or outdoor themed buttplug), but the smaller sample version that I received just has a really annoying cap that sprays smelly flower alcohol all over you, whether you want that or not. Verdict: Don’t buy

2) Balla Powder ($15 retail) 

This is some sort of fancy talc. It smells pretty good, but it does nothing to mitigate my taint sweat at all. It also doesn’t have that menthol tingle that lets you know that it’s working. I’ve long been a proponent of Gold Bond, it stops sweat, it tingles, and it’s $.45 an ounce. Sorry Balla Powder, despite your charmingly juvenile name, I’m dancing with the one that brung me. Verdict: Buy Gold Bond instead. 

3) TOWELDRY Hydrating Shampoo ($16 retail)

Apparently this is an exclusive item. If you can’t tell by the name, it’s a shampoo. It works fine, I guess. I recently ran out of the shampoo that I bought at the dollar store 15 months ago and this was definitely an able replacement. I won’t be buying it though. As far as I’m concerned, the only difference between this and the Suave that I buy at Dollar Farm is a black bottle and a sans-serif typeface. Verdict: Don’t buy, but use if you run out of other shampoo

4) MeUndies Boxer Briefs [Gingham] ($32 retail)

These are far and away the crown jewel of this month’s Birchbox. They are made of micromodal (a pretend word) fabric and are super comfortable. My personal favorite feature is the dickpouch, which I have helpfully highlighted on the image. It’s a pouch for your dick, and it’s pretty awesome. It’s like a penis girdle. Also, Birchbox sent me the gingham ones, which officially classifies these as “funderwear.” Verdict: Buy!